Back in my 30’s, I experienced a weird list of physical symptoms that left me discouraged, unwell, and stumped. From joint pain to strange marks on my skin, to intestinal issues, fatigue and other annoyances, I had no clue what was going on in my body. I saw a few different doctors, only to get different diagnoses- none of which treatment ever seemed to help. I began to think others thought I was crazy, but I knew something was wrong with me. After years of dealing with these random symptoms, I finally got an infectious disease physician to discover the cause : Lyme disease and related co-infections. I never remember having a deer tick on my body, but apparently I had at some point. During those years of feeling pain, I remember vividly pleading with God for healing- only to be disappointed that the symptoms lingered. I believed He could- I really did, but He chose not to for over a decade. Did this make Him less able, or was my faith being tested?
Unwavering faith in God’s ability in any situation is something I wish I could proclaim to have, but I’ve had my doubts before. When my life fell apart after uncovering my husband’s infidelity, doubts bounced around in my heart and my soul. Some days, it didn’t look possible, as much as I wished it did. The damage was deep and ugly. My husband was different then, and I didn’t know how things could change to the point of reconciliation. Was God able- I had no doubt He could, but would He? The thought that He may not, terrified me! It was in those moments, and in those doubts that Satan tried very hard to derail my faithfulness and belief in God’s ability to do what seemed impossible.
This brings to mind a story from Mark 9, which involves the father of a son possessed with an evil spirit. The boy had convulsions from this spirit and was unable to speak or hear. The father had asked the disciples to heal him and they had been unable to, so he brought him to Jesus. The man asked Jesus, “if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” Jesus questioned him saying, “if I can? All things are possible for the one who believes.” The father then said, “I believe; help my unbelief!” Jesus then healed his son, but only after he believed in Jesus’ ability to do so. Oh boy, can I ever relate to this father. Sometimes I know my belief is less than 100% due to fear. I know He is able, yet my heart still doubts. How I long to perfectly trust Him at all times, in all things! God really is always able, and yet I often need reminders through trust building life experiences.
What are you waiting for today? Does it seem impossible, out of reach, and unlikely? It is sometimes difficult to continue to believe God is able, when He doesn’t seem to be doing anything. I know, because I’ve been there. In fact, I am still waiting for things in life that remain unresolved and unanswered, and I bet you are too. Waiting is good for me, as much as I dislike it. Waiting exercises my trust in the ability of God to do what may seem impossible. Waiting well is a sign of faithfulness in my Heavenly Father. On the days when our waiting seems unbearable and the situation seems impossible, we can, like the father in Mark chapter 9, cry out to Jesus with the same words: “Lord, help my unbelief!”
But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. James 1:6 ESV
And he said to them, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts arise in your hearts? Luke 24:38 ESV
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 ESV
For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, forgive my sinful heart- especially when I allow doubts to creep in regarding my life circumstances. Help me to cast my problems and fears at Your feet, and trust that You will handle them for me. As I am tested in my faithfulness to You, help me to remember who You are, the Lord God Almighty! Nothing is too hard for You, Lord, and may I always remember that wonderful truth. In Your precious name I pray, Amen!