His Story- Back with no Change

Back in August of last year, I returned home after several months of living with my sister. My time back home consisted of a couple months, and I know people have wondered why I came home, only to leave again. What motivated me to return, and why didn’t it last?

My life is in North Carolina. The woman I was involved with was from Michigan, and nothing I knew or was involved with, other than her, was there. My family was in NC, my children were in NC, my work was in NC, my friends lived in NC, and I built a business in NC. My mind was torn, at the time, in where I really wanted to be and who I wanted to be with. I could see the hurt I was causing to those I loved here in my home state, and it bothered me immensely. But other times, I could avoid seeing those I loved, and I pushed it from my heart and mind.

I was also deeply influenced, not only from my own selfishness, but also from the lies of Satan. I could hear his voice whispering words of doubt- telling me that it was too late to rebuild what I had destroyed, and that coming back would result in people looking down at me the rest of my life. But I would get windows of clarity, and see those lies for what they were. And so I returned home, believing I could make the necessary changes, and patch broken relationships. I felt that with effort, I could restore the spiritual brokenness I was experiencing, and while I should have known better, I was believing in my own capability to fix things, rather than recognizing that only God could restore what I had carelessly destroyed.

And after returning home, it didn’t take long for me to see that I was not where I needed to be spiritually, to make things right. I received grace from others, but I couldn’t forgive myself. I would see those I knew were praying for me, and it amplified the feelings of guilt I already felt, and so I desired to remove myself from those feelings once again.

It was my own foolishness that once again contacted the other woman, and felt I had been missing what we had together. And yet when I walked away from home, it only took a week for God to open my eyes to my situation, and the foolishness of my thought pattern. I want to warn any who are flirting with danger, when it comes to your marriage. No matter how far you’ve gone, it is never too late to turn around, and make things right with God. Whether you get the opportunity with your spouse, children or loved ones, that is secondary to making things right with God. Don’t listen to the lies of Satan, that it is too late for you. God is a God of grace and mercy, and we can never wander so far that He won’t pursue us and lead us back to Him. How grateful I am to this wonderful God I serve, and His compassion to His sinful people- a compassion I don’t deserve, yet He showered me with it.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Psalm 51:12 ESV

Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out, that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord, and that he may send the Christ appointed for you, Jesus, whom heaven must receive until the time for restoring all the things about which God spoke by the mouth of his holy prophets long ago. Acts 3:19-21 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I don’t deserve Your grace or mercy, and yet You liberally shower me with it. Humans have a problem giving it to others, and yet You, a God that is Holy and just, give it to us- Your people. I thank You for it, not only today, but every day. Thank You for being a loving and gracious Father, In Your precious name I pray, Amen!